You Are In the Middle of a Revolution and Don't Even Know It!

We’re in the midst of the fastest and widest reaching revolution in all of human history and you're a victim of it without even knowing. When you laugh at Monica and Chandler sneaking around to sleep together on "FRIENDS," read Fifty Shades of Grey to find out what all the fuss is about, or roll your eyes at yet another overly provocative Victoria Secret commercial, you're experiencing the outcome of a revolution that ushered in a very radically new understanding of sexuality. Historians and sociologists have called this cultural wave that we're all caught up in "The Sexual Revolution." There is no life that has been untouched by this, regardless of whether you are a Boomer, Gen X, Millennial or generation Z. (My girls are in Z.) This is the air we breathe and what we consider normal. 

The Sexual Revolution started with my parents' generation in the Sixties with the Free Love hippie movement, the advent of no-fault divorce, and the availability of a new invention called birth control. The Sexual Revolution was going to liberate humanity from outdated sexual taboos and bring us into a new age of human flourishing.  

The cultural landscape has shifted so dramatically in the last 50 years that historians say we still can even begin to calculate or understand the full impact of the Sexual Revolution for at least another 100 to 200 years because we’re still in the middle of the wave and it hasn't even crested yet. It very well may be that the Sexual Revolution will have more significant impact on our world than the French Revolution of the 1700s or the Communist Revolutions of the 1900s.   

Charles Taylor summarizes the Sexual Revolution well in his book A Secular Age. Taylor coined the term the “Age of Authenticity.” Authenticity is defined as being unique as opposed to conforming. So now the purpose of life is NOT to know God and enjoy him forever but rather to “self-actualize,” which is a fancy way of saying make up your own meaning. You decide who you are and what works for you instead of conforming to whatever your authority, society, parents, etc, say.

All you have to do is watch a movie to see that this really is the dominate narrative of our culture. We love the idea of casting off the restrains of society so that we can finally express ourselves. As Trevin Wax makes very clear in his excellent lecture at the 2015 TGC Conference, in the Age of Authenticity everything else must bow to our individual self-expression.  

The essence of self-expression is seen foremost in how we understand our sexuality. So now the gender of our bodies doesn’t matter much and our sexual activity doesn’t matter much; the only thing that matters is our self-actualization and happiness, so Viva La Revolution.  

So now old Christian virtues like chastity, purity and self-control aren’t just old fashioned or out-dated but they're now seen as repressive, psychologically and physiologically harmful, and inhumane. Couples are ridiculed for not moving in together, singles are humiliated for not having sex, and porn is so prevalent that we have to buy blockers, filters, and apps to not see it. The Christian view of sexuality is seen as regressive and harmful because telling someone to not act on a sexual feeling is to deny their self-expression – which cuts at the root of the modern "purpose of life": to express yourself and be authentic to yourself.

The Sexual Revolution is heralded as progressive, enlightened, and freeing but there are disastrous results and we shouldn’t be ashamed to say so. Let me give you an example.   

Marilyn Monroe

When you think of Marilyn Monroe you think classic Americana: glamorous, beautiful, young, playful. Marilyn Monroe was the original Hollywood sex symbol. Yet what most younger people don't know was how tragic her life actually was. According to her biographer, Marilyn had 12 abortions before she was 29 years old. She was married three times, all ending in divorce, and she tragically committed suicide by overdose at 34. 

A sexuality without limits, consequences  or taboos will collapse under the weight of its own self-centeredness. 

I'm millennial according to sociologists, and I've seen personally and experienced tragically the enormous consequences and fallout of this revolution both in my life, my family, and my community. 

•          Pornography started gaining widespread acceptance with the launch of Playboy Magazine in 1953 and now makes $14 Billion dollars a year. Statistically most kids are exposed at age 8 and the greatest consumers of online porn are 12-17 year old boys. Imagine that the primary shaping influence of the entire next generation of young men's understanding of women and sex and sexuality is coming from perverted, unquenchable, lustful, and profoundly greedy pornographers. The editor of Esquire Magazine said recently in an interview: "The women we feature in the magazine are ornamental. I could lie to you if you want and say we are interested in their brains as well. We are not. They are objectified." Sex makes money and because lust, by definition, is never satisfied, the porn industry dances on the wreckage of sexual innocence, sexual purity, and sexual self-control with 14 billion dollars in hand!  

•          Molestation -  The numbers are heartbreaking but every number is a person, every person has a story, and every story matters. Statistically and tragically 1 and 3 girls and 1 and 6 boys have been sexually assaulted, molested and abused.
  

•          Fornication – This Old-English word refers to sex before marriage. The fact that almost nobody even uses this word anymore shows the complete transition of our culture's moral framework. Now only 1 in 30 college students stay sexually pure before marriage and only for religious reasons. The ideas of sexual purity, self-control, and honoring your future spouse are seen as foolish, backwards, and regressive and not noble, beautiful, and exemplary.  

•          Abortion – Over 56 million children have been killed in abortions since 1973 ruling on Roe v. Wade. A whole generation of future scientists, teachers, writers, inventors, doctors, film-makers and engineers murdered before doing anything! These babies did nothing wrong; they are innocent victims. They violated no law except by their very existence they threatened the parents' "right" to continued sexual self-expression and in the Age of Authenticity everything else must bow to our individual self-expression. 

•          Cohabitation – This has quickly become the new normal in my life time with over 54% of couples now cohabiting before marriage. Asking a girl to move in with you use to be the next big step before marriage. Cohabiting was the test drive stage, but it is now actually becoming the replacement for marriage. Statistically, cohabitation isn’t practice for marriage but practice for divorce. 

•         Divorce – With the introduction of "No Fault" divorce in 1970 now 50%  of all marriages end in divorce. That means that statistically marriage has about much a chance as a coin toss, so it's no wonder that many millennials think the institution of marriage itself is dead. Below is a figure on the rates of divorce. 

•          Adultery – According to one survey 35% husbands and 30% of wives cheat on their spouse. But the idea of cheating is also becoming obsolete with open-marriages, swingers, and wife-swapping. Marriage is no longer seen as a sexually exclusive relationship between a husband and wife but perhaps a partnership in which each individual can be "free" to venture out on sexual conquest for more adventurous sexual encounters with multiple partners.  

This list doesn't even begin to mention gender confusion, sexually transmitted diseases, sex trafficking, sex-slavery and on and on. The Sexual Revolution was praised as liberation, enlightenment, and freedom but statistically, historically, and personally I believe the Sexual Revolution has shows itself to be a Pandora's box of anarchy, unquenchable lust, and profound brokenness. 

The idea the Sexual Revolution has brought about human flourishing is false! 

You can learn about God's good design for human sexuality in my sermon Proverbs: Wise Sexuality

Tension between Correcting and Celebrating

If you're a leader in any way you know this tension between correcting and coaching. You want more for people than they want from themselves and you are helping people progress forward.

If you always correct and never celebrating you will lose credibility with your people, your spouse and your kids. By celebrating we're building people confidence in their abilities. While personalities are different, you know you're over correcting someone when they feel defeated, crushed, unskilled.

If you always celebrate and never correct, you're limiting peoples growth and not serving them well as a leader.

The Beauty of Humble, Kind and Compassionate Godliness

When a man's ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him-Proverbs 16:7 

Perhaps you wouldn't define yourself as an enemy of Christianity or an enemy of anything or anyone for that matter but you are certainly not a big fan of the organized church, televangelists or particular, seemingly outdated doctrines of the Christian faith.
But would you not agree that there is a self-authenticating beauty to the genuine Christian life?
A life lived for the glory of God and the good of others is a life that brings human flourishing in relationships, marriages, families, workplaces and neighbors. When someone is walking with the Lord, humbling caring for the poor, needy and broken, praying for God's favor, blessing and forgiveness over others as well as just kindly serving you with gentleness and compassion, it's morally beautiful.

Perhaps you say you respect this way of life even if you don't completely disagree with the Christian view of God, sin, salvation, and eternal life. You have enjoyed having Christian family members, coworkers or friends.

But let me ask you this, if you believe that Jesus left an example that is morally beautiful and worthy of emulation and you would applaud those who would give their lives, like Jesus, to serve, teach and care for others, could it be that Jesus' actual teachings, which infused his lifestyle and informed his ministry might also be true and helpful?  I have found that it becomes increasingly difficult to live appreciatively among Christians in your family, your workplace or your school while denying their beliefs.

The challenge comes in having to simultaneously deny the truth of Jesus life, death and resurrection while at the same time witnessing the self-authenticating beauty of the lives of service and compassion that those beliefs about Jesus create.

Christian doctrine shapes Christian service.

If you say you love our actions but dislike our beliefs you cut us in half. All we do is informed, shaped and influenced by what we believe about God.
We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19)
We serve because he served us (John 13:15)
We forgive because we have been forgiven. (Matt 6:14)

Jesus isn't just a good example, he is a great savior and it is because we have been chosen, loved, forgiven and adopted that we can serve others selflessly because we're not living for the perfect spouse, the next iphone or even being a "good person." Christians our people of eternal hope that live for the life to come when every longing for adventure, every craving for pleasure, every desire to be known, understood, accepted and loved will be fully and finally fulfilled in the God who created us, loves us and saves us in Jesus!

Wisdom better than MONEY?!?

"How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver!" Proverbs 16:16
According to the scripture it's better to be wise than to be wealthy.... I guess you can have a lot of money but not have the common sense to use it well.

A powerful example of this occurred multiple times during my pastoral training years. I worked in a church near the largest military base on the west coast. I saw a lot of 18 year old guys who would sign up for 5 years of service with the United States Army and get $40,000 dollar signing bonus.

It was more money than they had ever had in their entire life and needless to say their wallet was far bigger than their wisdom. Instead of investing that wealth in buying real estate, long-term high yield stocks or saving for their future children, they would drop 15,000+ dollars on a brand new speaker system to install in their 2001 Honda Accord which would bust 2 years later.....That's a liability not an asset. That's foolish, selfish and stupid. They may as well have burned their money because they like the smell of the ink, that would have just about the same value 20-40 years later when their poor wife needs a house to raise the kids, who also need food, clothes and an ever-increasingly costly education.

How are you with your money? Are you growing in wisdom? Are you stewarding your wealth in such a way that you can look back as an older man or woman and be proud of how you invested, saved and spent?

Ultimately what's needed is more wisdom not necessarily more money.

Are kids the center of life, the curse of life or something else?

I wonder what is your perspective on kids? 

As I was playing with my girls today I was thinking about how surprising it is to me that for the most part our culture seems to fall neatly into two pretty extreme camps when it comes to kids. 

1. Kids are the Center

This is the classic suburbanite perspective in which a family doesn't just love their kids but obsesses over them constantly. The kids set the priorities, run the schedules and determine the budget. These families can be blamed as the main reason Chuck E. Cheese is still able to keep their doors open despite selling cardboard that vaguely resembles something similar to a pizza. When kids are the center they transform life's ultimate purpose from glorifying God and enjoying him forever to raising honor students. Often the suburban church doesn't address this subtle idolatry for fear that families will pack up in leave for the church down the street but the truth remains the truth and "family-friendly" has often been an excuse for "family-idolatry." It should go without saying that I love my girls to the moon and back and would gladly take a bullet for them but they don't fulfill me nor do they give my life meaning. What's heart breaking to me is that those families that put the kids as the center of their lives usually end up crushing those kiddos with outrageous expectations and demands. Your kids cannot bear the weight of your worship.

2. Kids Are A Curse  

In this view, which seems to be growing in popularity especially among the beard-growing, flannel-wearing millennials of our day, kids are astronomically expensive, overly time-consuming, and completely destroy one's individual freedoms. Stand-up comedian Aziz Ansari sums up this perspective well when he shares a conversation he had with a friend that just announced the birth of their new baby. Aziz: "I’m so sorry that happened to you. You're going to have to take care of that thing forever! I’ll talk to you later because I’m going to go do literally whatever I want because all MY options are still MY options." To summarize, kids just rob us of our personal freedom. This perspective seems to be gaining lots of credibility in the mainstream with TIME magazine featuring "The Child Free Life." The growing trend seem to be waiting until the late thirties and even into the forties to begin a family or forgoing the family altogether.  

Psalms 127:3 "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord" 

The strange thing about these extremes is that they're both true in many ways but lack the balance of a biblical, god-centered perspective. Kids should never be the center of your life but when you have kids they do radically change your budget and your schedule. They're also incredibly time-consuming, difficult and require a great deal of selfless serving from willing parents. But the whole truth is that kids aren't meant to be the center nor are they a curse. Both extremes are reductionistic and overly simplistic. Kids are not God and they’re not gross. We should not make kids any more or any less than what they are. They’re a great gift from God to enjoy and manage well for a short season. They are not the end or the beginning of our lives but a season, an opportunity and a gift to manage well as we glorify God and enjoy him forever.          

Captain Ellie and calling out orders to her first lieutenant Izzy in the Pink Army

"Satisfied in You" by the Sing Team

I have lost my appetite
And a flood is welling up behind my eyes
So I eat the tears I cry
And if that were not enough
They know just the words to cut and tear and prod
When they ask me "Whereʼs your God?"

Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
I can remember when you showed your face to me

As a deer pants for water, so my soul thirsts for you
And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh

When Iʼm looking at the ground
Itʼs an inbred feedback loop that drags me down
So itʼs time to lift my brow
And remember better days
When I loved to worship you and learn your ways
Singing sweetest songs of praise

Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you

So when Iʼm drowning out at sea
And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me
Iʼll recall your safety scheme
Youʼre the one who made the waves
And your Son went out to suffer in my place
And to show me that Iʼm safe

Why am I down?
Why so disturbed?
I am satisfied in you

Proverbs: Wise Family

Listen to Proverbs: Wise Family